It is not always a good thing to praise children because "empty" words may make them unhappy. Words such as "well done" may make them doubt their own abilities, a leading psychologist (心理学家) Stephen Grosz has warned. He says that words such as "you're so clever" or "you're such an artist" could also hinder their future development at school. He says that such empty praise causes children to be unhappy as they may say they can't live up to these expectations.
Instead he advises parents and teachers to praise children less frequently and use words like "trying really hard. " Mr. Grosz said, "Empty praise is as bad as thoughtless criticism (批评). People often pay no attention to children's feelings and thoughts. " He also mentions research showing that children who are heavily praised probably perform worse at school.
Some psychologists from Columbia University asked 128 pupils aged 10 and 11 to work out a number of math problems. Afterwards, some were told: "You did really good — you're so clever." But the researchers told the group "You did really well — you must have tried really hard." Both groups of children were then given more difficult questions and those who had been told they were clever did not do as well as the others.
He says that when collecting his daughter from a school near their home in North London, he heard a teacher tell her, "You have drawn the most beautiful tree. Well done." Later, after she had done another drawing, the same teacher said, "Wow, you are really an artist." In his book, Mr. Grosz writes, "How could I explain to the teacher that I would prefer it if she did not praise my daughter?"
As a parent of two children, I strongly agree with Mr. Grosz. I praise them when praising is proven right. I want them, to know if I praise them, they have done something beyond my expectation, beyond what they are able to do.
