Parents say that honesty is the best policy, but they regularly lie to their children as a way of influencing their behavior and emotions, finds new research from the University of Toronto and the University of California.
Surprisingly little has been published on the subject of parental lying, so Gail Heyman, professor of psychology at the University of California, Diem Luu, a former student of the University of California, and Kang Lee, professor at the University Toronto, set out to explore the under-researched phenomenon. They asked US participants in two related studies about parents lying to their children—either for the purpose of promoting appropriate behavior or to make them happy.
In one of the studies, many parents reported they told their young children that bad things would happen if they didn't go to bed or eat what they were supposed to. Other parents reported inventing magical creatures. One explained, "We told our daughter that if she wrapped up all her pacifiers(橡皮奶嘴)like gifts, the fair would come and give them to the children who needed them."
In the other study, the researchers surveyed college students' recollections about their parents' lying and obtained similar results: parents often lie to their children even as they tell them that lying is unacceptable.
The researchers refer to this practice as "parenting by lying"." We are surprised by how often parenting by lying takes place," said Lee. Though Heyman thinks that there are occasions when it is appropriate to be less than truthful with a child, she urges parents to think through the issues and consider alternatives before using lies.
"Children sometimes behave in ways that are disruptive or are likely to harm their long-term interests," said Heyman." It is common for them to try out a range of strategies, including lying, to stop them. However, parents should be concerned about the possible long-term negative consequences to children's beliefs about honesty."
